Flenser Records Contest

Now Flensing...

The next installment of the Hammer Smashed Sound Contest Series (yup, I made that up just now) features San Francisco's Flenser Records (which the San Francisco Bay Guardian just named Best Record Label). A relative newcomer, we've run features on just about all of The Flenser's releases, for one reason - they're all superb. Most recently, we featured the newest pre-order from Flenser, for the New Bosse-de-Nage LP/CD.  Once again, every damn Flenser release is excellent, and now is your chance to get in on the action and see why we're such big fans. Mr. Flenser himself is offering up a fine, all-encompassing Flenser package for one lucky HSS reader. The package will consist of the entire Flenser catalog, including:

Test pressing and LP of Bosse-de-Nage ii
Panopticon 'On the Subject of Mortality' DLP
Seidr 'For Winter Fire' CD
Bosse-de-Nage ii CD
Skagos/Panopticon split CD
Panopticon 'Collapse' 2xLP
Ghast 'May the Curse Bind' 2xLP
Bosse-de-Nage 's/t' CD
Necrite 'Sic Transit Gloria Mundi' CD
Palace of Worms 'The Forgotten'  CD & 'Lifting the Veil' cassette
Pale Chalice 'Afflicting the Dichtomy of Trepid Creation' CD

Nice, yes?

A couple of second place winners will receive CD editions of the Bosse-de-Nage 'ii' CD. Sweet.

We usually pick our winners at random, and that will continue to be the case, but this time, instead of telling us why you love The Flenser (because we know you do) to enter the contest, we ask you to leave us a comment below telling us why Satan is your master.  If he's not your master, you're doing it wrong ;-)  The winner will be chosen at random late into the night of August 29th, 2011, at the birth of the new moon.

As always, posts will continue between now and then, but this one will remain at the top of the site. Always check below for new posts, and "Like" us on Facebook to follow along.

93 comments:

Jon Rosenthal said...

Everything I do is for Satan. I believe Quorthon best put it when he said:

"Satan My Master
I slit my wrists to drain me of my blood
Satan My Master
Up side down I turn the cross of God

Satan My Master
Recieve this sacrifice this blood of mine
Satan My Master
I cut into my rotten flesh your signs

Satan My Master
Remember me when judgement day is near
Satan My Master
Take my hand when Armageddon is here"

-Jon

John Kerr said...

Satan is my sweet. I love my master so much that I live with him in his courtyard.

Crooked Mouth said...

Satan is master because I hate humidity and at least hell would be a dry heat.

JohanAsTree said...

Satan is my only weapon in a world filled with delusional christians thinking they have the truth.

Luka said...

"Dear Satan, I know that lately I didn't worship you that much. But now I need you more than ever! Pleas use your diabolic force and let me win these contest. I'm still boycotting any product that is product by any company owned by the Church and if I win I'll burn the local church!
Amen,"

Ross said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Korihor said...

Ad majoram sathanas gloriam. I hail Satan because, as put so succinctly by Anal Blasphemy:

Satan rapes god
with his fiery cock
satan rapes god
weak fucking god.

Your god is weak. Your god will not help you. I believe in myself - as Satan, my dark master did in the myth of His Fall.

Better to reign in Hell than serve in Heaven.

-Korihor

Anonymous said...

Satan is a poop I left on the side of the road.

colin said...

Satan is my master because he isn't scared of nuthin!

Mzsphinx said...

Satan is my master because he tastes like tepid marshmallow fluff, and always brings the thorny fingercuffs

Oaklore said...

"Nature's primal unchained energy
That is enshrined in all that exists
The power of great destruction
And creation on the crumbling remains

Satan, creator
Satan, destructor
Satan, master residing in the void
of true blackness" - Werwolf

Satan and I go way back; it seems like only yesterday that I got piss drunk and sang his hymns to my stereo.

Alex said...

Satan as the antithesis to the code of morality laid down by Christianity. Satan as a rigorous questioning of all presupposed truths. It is only right that we philosophise with a hammer! Satan as a separation of self from the religious fundamentalists that belittle humanity, undermine the quest for truth and meaning, that glorify us as more than a disease on the skin of mother earth, that fully believe we are more than the mould on the surface of an apple.

Fuck God.

Gilby said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Kris said...

Satan is a master and a raison d'être to me and to all of my brothers who live in the dark because he made his presence known and, deceivingly, but genuinely gave us a hand when all else had failed. And, now we are all indebted to the master for showing us the way. And so, we spend endless nights riding in our black robes, cursing life and beckoning the powers of death. Let this be our doom! "Satan's henchmen rule the night, Satan's henchmen ride the skies!"

- Kris

dr wolfer said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
dr wolfer said...

I'm the kind of guy who is very deliberate in their actions, so back in early 2005 I was a nervous wreck waiting for the perfect time to propose to the one I love.

I still don't know if it was the living room tailgate party, some of Vinatieri's luck rubbing off on me, or inspiration from the Patriot's XXXIX victory, but that night I had the courage to ask Satan for my hand in marriage. I know it's not the conventional route, but he's been my lord and master ever since.

Margo Upson said...

My wife say Satan cannot be master because she owns my soul. Shes Satan. Go figure...

Mark said...

^^^Damn it this posted on my wifes account... shes gonna kill me

Richard said...

From a very young age I felt different from the mindless lumps of matter that afflict this little shit heap we call earth. An unhealthy and anti-social obsession with ghost stories, murder, doom and the occult gradually but surely led me into the welcoming embrace of my Lord and Master.

At around 12 years old, I discovered heavy metal - what I consider a fast-track ticket into infernal esoterica, but only if the initiate is ready and willing. I could never understand why humanity fell into the traps of believing such life/pleasure/fun-denying doctrines without question, and it was only true metal's purpose that seemed to offer an escape route from this blind idiocy, praising the virtues of the devil with both subliminal menace and pure devotion.

Faith is ignorance. Only death is real. Only the evil in man is real. Satan assures me, strengthens me and deifies me. Grind the churches to fucking dust and fuck you all.

Ghola Merrick said...

Satan is a myth.

Stoneborn Ravens said...

No Gods.
No Masters.
Am I then nullified?

rasputin said...

Satan is my master as I tend to his 'needs' on a regular basis. Do you know what I am saying. DO YOU KNOW WHAT I AM SAYING.

droneslut said...

satan is my lord and master cause he makes my little weenie grow bigger ! ! !

Luka said...

are you 12 or what?

hawthorne abendsen said...

satan is okay, but the real power lies with cthulu.

Paola Ferrero said...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=puwllq0fBLs

Enough said....

Corrado said...

Hear Our Satan Prayer
Our Anti Nicene Creed
Hear Our Satan Prayer
For The Cuming Of Seed

Music, Literature, and Art said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Jake said...

I think Ghost says it best...

Say, can you see the cross?
Inverted solemnly
Symbol for the goat
Of a thousand young

Six six six
Evoke the king of hell
Strike the death knell
Death knell

Say, can you hear the chimes?
Tolls now for the end
Bells call out their doom
As victor reaches womb

The master has come...

jakesnead@gmail.com

Fallen said...

Satan is my master because worshipping an imaginary idol is not only a waste of time and resources, but it is destructive to what humanity is. Satan, to me, if also non-existent in a physical / spiritual sense. However, I find no harm in joking around about Satan because there is plenty of humor to be found by poking fun of / popular organized religion. We as humans should be FREE to do what we want and make our own decisions. Living your life for somebody else, and obeying their every command at the Altar of Lies is weak and harmful. To be free of that is what life is all about.

Also, that pack is so sweet I would probably jump up and down like a school girl if I won. :D Total support for the Flenser imprint.

Krumbled Kookie said...

I love you all. Reading these posts is pure fun, which was, of course, my intention in the first place.

No gods. No masters. Not even Satan.

Much love, everyone. <3

- E D G E S - said...

Satan worships me!

Nji said...

אמני חוכמה ... תשחזר על הארץ תעלומות עתיקות מכון שוב את הסדר של חניכה.

nickabe57 said...

satan is my master because everyone else. everyone. has failed me.

Andy said...

I must be doing it wrong, then. Not my master, but I still buy his albums =P

Media Tree said...

"your god is dead. we ate what we couldn't fuck."

Anonymous said...

well, in reality, you could say my current master (government, banks, currency) is Satanic. i mean... c'mon? you really think these are good God-loving people who simply wish to help their neighbors and countrymen? So just me paying taxes to an evil and corrupt system, paying money to the people who use it to build bombs instead of relations, i am being a slave to my master/Devil.

also, feels damn right evil being able to witness all this war and manipulative exploits going on and not being able to help or do anything...

Hail Satan,
i feel he's been ruling and riding us for the past century or so.

Grimlin said...

i worship Santa because we have a common interest in sugar cookies and because he gave me that sweet bike all those years ago. HAIL SANTA!

NB said...

Satan is my master because Inquisition told me he is.

Evil_Ernie said...

satan is my master because he makes a killer white russian.

SVN said...

As man's corrupt crusade of oppression continues, the earth's natural order is pushed further into desolation. Nature withers and the egotistical man loses his connection to the earth. Vomiting forth hatred and abhorrence like black blood, I condemn the narcissistic world of men. Let black soil be packed into the throats of every leader and every priest, let thorns rip and tear the flesh of these false kings of the world. When the feeble corpses of human life scatter the earth, nature will decay the flesh and rot the bodies, cleansing itself of all inflicted suffering. Let this mantra of misanthropy be a blood offering to grounds which remain pure. Through black metal ritual we worship the carnal spirit of the animal, the internal lust for solitude and the desire to return to nature. As this hatred for society is further manifested let us accept the ache for mankind's end. As blood turns to soil, I will not grieve nor lament. No passion but Black, no master but Satan.

Emil said...

Because I have wrote really nice, thoughtful entries before and I never won shit.

Mundus Senescit said...

Satan is a spiritual journey to total purity,away from society's wants and needs..a Magician should lead his way alone,with no fear for the dark path..Darkness brings Light in our soul..a personal Light,which shows you the Truth..











dunno if I'm doing it right,but hey I could make an orthodox bm band :D

Llanero Solitario said...

Satan is my master because I'm pretty sure God didn't create barbecues.

Moobeat said...

Satan is my master because ... GGGRRRAAANNNNDDDDMMMAAAA

DreamElusive said...

Satan is my master because Natas is such a poseur!

Public Castration is a Good Idea said...

Satan is my master because public education in my country sucks.

Thiago said...

Satan who?

Anthem said...

No gods, no masters.

Alex_P said...

Two ways to consider it. I'm an atheist and that will never change, but I know that if Christianity were true, I'd be a Satanist for at least two reasons.

1) If we accept Milton's interpretation of Original Sin, the garden's Snake is Satan. If that is the case, Satan did humanity the greatest service. We were crafted to be idiotic idolaters, never questioning the universe around us or the Word of God, never seeking answers, never creating science. We tasted from the fruit of knowledge and were cast from the Garden. Though this installed pain into our lives, it was the greatest boon we could possibly be given. What is love without hatred? What is pain without pleasure? What is alienation without a home? Rather than a bland, dull, happy existence, we were given true life. Satan was our Prometheus, and he suffered like Prometheus for his impunity. Should we worship vain Gods or selfless Titans? God is evil, Satan is good. I'd rather serve the martyr than the torturer. I'd rather cling to reason than blind certainty. Satan is my master and he commands me to live as I see fit.

2) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=74Nei5Axde4
You gonna argue with a song that kick-ass?

camcord layin in the drawer where he cantsee said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
orc said...

satan is my master because http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zx0XvxxG8QI&feature=related

DaiohBakunin666 said...

satan is my master because i look like justin beiber.

Anonymous said...

Satan is my master because God wouldn't let me do all the fun things I wanted to do.

Jessica said...

Satan is my master because God wouldn't let me do all the fun things I wanted to do

Anonymous said...

Fuck Satan, Jonathan Flenser is my Master cuz he looks sexy as fuck with his newly chopped short hair!

Asgard Root said...

Satan is my master because he is the master of everyone, everything and nothing.

Josh said...

Satan is my master because he let's me watch syndicated episodes of Cooking with Julia Child on Sunday mornings without hassling me.

Perpetual Strife said...

"My soul for his glory"

Nate Burns said...

I love satan so much that I recently made his sigil in some graham crackers the other day. A mid-afternoon tribute, you might say.

Rob said...

I'll sell my soul to Satan for free records.

Anonymous said...

Statn ain't my god...he's as much a bitch as the christians who invented him. follow yourself, not some figment of imagination meant to keep you in line!!!!!

Faulty said...

Satan is my master because Satan is humanity in extremis. He did not want to bow to God, he represents human's capability for will and individuality. He hoped and dreamed and reached for the stars. He brought knowledge and light to the world, which humanity has since pursued in many ways. He was the first sinner, and to sin is human. He is humanity in the heights of its enlightenment or the depths of sin. In the former, he deserves adolation, and in the latter, he deserves forgiveness, because Satan is mankind: if you adore Satan, you adore yourself; if you forgive, Satan, you forgive yourself.

Ave Satanas.

Black Mass Ritual said...

Hail Satan
For Im your Decibel
The cloud that shits on your parade
The blistering light that shows no mercy
The moving soil that grabs your ankles
The Final judgement for I'm the ONLY.

Rin said...

Satan is my master because Bob Larson tried to exorcise me and got thrown out the window and down a flight of stairs. What's he up to nowadays? I hope he sucks cocks in hell.

j said...

satan makes and inspires the best music....

Tim said...

Satan is my master because, as everyone knows, all the best music is affiliated with him

Ross said...

Satan is my master because he likes way cooler music than God. Fuck Creed, man.

Mark said...

Satan is my master because he was the original badass

Anonymous said...

Love Satan because he can get me free vinyls!... and he's got a cool name too, like the Fonzzzz....

R. L.

MASTERS666SPELL said...

Master Satan
Satan my master
Channeling destruction, hate and power through my soul, flesh and bones.
Thy majesty illuminating my black kingdom with the flame of wisdom and capacity.
Lucifer my guide though pain, torment and depression.
Through the torture and misery I gain strength, knowledge and virtue.
Master, destroyer of the path of light, conqueror of weakness.
My sacrifices of blood, flesh and soul are rewarded with the gift of superiority.
My master channels the infernal gifts into my contumacious soul.
Possessed I become destroying, crushing and ascending my very limits leaving the weak raped, ravaged and engulfed in the black flame that consumes me.
The sheep and cattle in this world are herded to our devouring gnashing jaws.
Together we coalesce into one supreme being, master of all astral and physical.
Though my master, I become master perversely plunging my black lust inside the flesh and devouring the fruit of infernal desire.
My endless hunger and eternal thirst is only engulfed by the murderous burning flames of hell.
My soul and flesh tempered by the fire.
My master satan grants all worldly and spiritual gifts desired as I grow and fuse with my master we become masterless in a universe of slaves.

666

empurror said...

satan is my master because without him we would not have super ghouls n ghosts

Rev. Mike said...

I made up this bit of doggerel in 1988, I was in 6th grade. I still occasionally say it to myself.

Satan is my father,
Satan is my friend,
we will love and praise him,
until the end.

Archytas said...

One word: Freedom.

Patrick said...

cut your flesh and worship satan

Ryan said...

From within Hell, Satan birthed me onto this Earth. As an infant, I suckled onto his withered tit, as he sang softly his unholy hymns. As I grew older, I distanced myself from Satan, and on a rare occasion I would attend the Sunday Mass at the local church. However, it never felt 'right,' and so as I began to enter adulthood, I also regained my faith in the Great Serpent. He is my morbid Master, for now, and for all of eternity. INFERNAL FUCKING HAILS.

Amber said...

because you need satan more than he needs you

Anonymous said...

Satan is my master.
Without Satan, there is no me.
Satan is my master.
Only he could set me free.

Satan is my master.
He allowed me to transcend this silly life.
Satan is my master.
After I gobbled up my pretty wife.

Sanakan said...

Satan is my master as he is masterless.

ReverieInVain said...

Satan is my master as he is tragic much like we are as humans. He is bound by his nature as we are, and ultimately it is our own fears that rule us as his. He is the ultimate fear of man so therefore I follow him, as he is the worst and best of our nature incarnate.

Ka-Kaw said...

I am Satan and We are Masters of ourselves and as One overthrow the hallucination of powerlessness brought on by society.

Galgor said...

Satan is my master because the only other alternative is hamsters.

IamTheVessel said...

Well, you see, satan is my master because when I came into town to stop the butcher from killing the townsfolk, it just wasn't enough, I got greedy and killed more demons, and even diablo himself. But then he said to me, Rey, you are the demons. And it was so.
After that, Tristram was taken over by DEMONS.
And I became the wanderer, as he used my fleshy body as his vessel to corrupt the soulstones and free his brothers!

Dead_Wizard said...

Satan is my master because one beautiful mid-august day I was bumping Mercyful Fate loud as fuck through my sick El Camino's Rockford-Fosgate sound system, ripping on a bong, watching two chicks make out in my kiddie pool, when I totally forgot to walk my stupid fucking pug.

It turns out that had I walked my dog, there was a fairly solid chance that this crazy fucker who shot up my neighborhood that very same day would have waxed me in the streets.

After that I started wearing a lot of robes and gold chains. It totally rules, I clean the fuck up at goth night and have yet to sire a bastard.

Hail Satan.

Serve the goat.

edfnblair said...

i'm probably getting a "hail satan" tattoo in the near future. i feel this illustrates my relationship with fictional root-of-all-evil characters pretty nicely.

José Carlos Santos said...

Satan is my master because he fucking asked nicely.

maskofgojira said...

To worship Satan is to see the world for all that it is, the beauty and the light, but also see the world for how dark it is and has become. I have seen the darkest side of humanity and I have not turned away, instead looking it in the eye. I have seen through the profanity and the existentialism and accepted it as a part of myself and the masks of others. Satan has showed me the path to courage and strength and has held out his hand when I was/am in dire need. Satan gave me all that I needed so I survive against all that this world has thrown against me. Satan is my master and this is why I worship him.

Ian

Paul Shanagher said...

Listen, I'm a corpse, I'm a corpse
I'm a corpse without soul
Satan, he's taken, he's taken
He's taken his toll
And he took it out on me

Pitrick said...

Satan taught me how to Dougie. For this, I love him.

migthebest said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
migthebest said...

satan is my master because i like big red powerful goats

httran said...

satan is my master because i live in the south

Media Tree said...

aaah, the suspense is killing me!